Home Life,  Some Silliness

The zucchini that ate my cottage house

Is there a Guinness Book of World Records authority in the house, because today I must tell tale of a zucchini that attempted to eat mine.

It started, as I’m sure all good stories do, with the Herculean task of hauling hundreds of pounds of dirt up a hill to my mother’s garden to a just-constructed planter box that would soon be filled with said dirt and a variety of vegetable seeds. What I didn’t know about this dirt was that it was composed of magical properties the likes of which result in killer zucchini. Were I a more studious reader of Greek epics, I probably would have seen that twist coming.

Fast forward several months to my sister unceremoniously handing me a well-worn canvas tote bag that contained this healthy fellow. giant zucchini

Allow me to offer more perspective.

giant zucchini

▲▲ That there is the zucchini situated alongside a few common household items, like a 13-inch Macbook Pro.

And here is the zucchini situated alongside almost the entire length of my arm. ▼▼

giant zucchini

Weighing 6 pounds, 5 ounces¹ and clocking in at 22 inches² long, I’d like introduce to the world the newest addition to our home. It’s a zucchini. In lieu of gifts, please send recipes, tips, and tricks for dealing with such blue-ribbon worthy produce.

¹ This is only a guess, based purely on my weight-estimating abilities, such as they are. I failed to actually weigh this sucker.

² See above notation.

giant zucchini

But seriously, the zucchini is currently taking up multiple gallon-sized bags worth of space in my fridge. Send help immediately.


SIGNED, anya elise

One Comment

  • David Glidden

    We are having zucchini lasagna tomorrow night, There is also a nifty kitchen tool that makes zucchini spaghetti, well worth the investment. Stuffed zucchini is the usual way of handling zucchini that should have been picked weeks ago (ahem!). Try ground lamb and the usuals middle eastern spices for a real treat.

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